im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
