Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Two words: nipple clamps
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