Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
