You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
