your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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