wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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