I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
