if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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