guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize