I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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