I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
