i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
