I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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