I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
