it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's the barista slut.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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