Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You made out with two different species that night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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