I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
