Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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