dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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