Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
