I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
