a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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