i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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