He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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