WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
