My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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