Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize