I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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