when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
