Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
