we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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