I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
