Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
