Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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