Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
