Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
