if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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