so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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