i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
