I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
