Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
