it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
