they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
