Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you had me at cake vodka
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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