in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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