she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
