So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
