Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
