I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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