when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
