When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize