She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
