I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
