oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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