Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My ATM looks so different sober.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
