I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
