So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
