I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
