There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
