Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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