dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
