My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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